Divine disintegration.

Back in 2021 I completely disintegrated.

It was the first of January and I assume I started with a glass or plate in the kitchen before it escalated as my partner handed me more things to break.

Barefoot and bleeding I worked my way through the house. Televisions, cabinet doors, if it was glass or ceramic and owned by us I destroyed it.

He followed suit and we had a trail of destruction.

Looking around me, seeing all these broken pieces I felt seen for the first time in my life.

Seeing my broken, beautiful pieces outside of me allowed me to glimpse hope and take my first deep breath.

These pieces became a metaphor for the parts of me over the years that I've chosen to keep. The beautiful parts, the parts that have finally been seen and merged into a whole.

Like the Tupperware shape sorter toy, I have picked up pieces and tried to see if they belong. Some no longer do, others have emerged into something more divine, magical and powerful and continually feed my soul allowing me to glow and flow from deep within each time I integrate and regulate.

Perhaps the parts you struggle with are there to love and serve you like mine were.

Starved of attention and love they grew wild and untamed. Once poured out for me to physically see I could no longer ignore the deep cries from within where I'd been cutting myself, bleeding, bruised and on the verge of dying I had to surrender and allow my wounds to be tended, lovingly, holistically and authentically.

Funnily enough major extensive surgery 3 months later and a diagnosis of endometriosis and adenomyosis proved that my body was destroying itself because I was suppressing my truth.

Today I am proud and honoured to have been gifted my journey.

I continue this journey for myself and for the world within and without.

We are deeply connected you and I.

Lay down your weapon of destruction and begin healing with me.